I have been brought up as a Catholic, like the majority of the people in Italy. My parents were, in fact, strong practicing Catholic people. So I attended church from a very early age.

Looking back on my years of childhood and adolescence my thoughts on God were mostly connected with my fear of Him, as I often felt guilty. I had a very distorted image of God and this was largely due to my Catholic upbringing. The result of this was dissatisfaction, void, insecurity, and somehow I was happy only when my behavior was right, convinced as I was, that God would reward me for good behavior and punish me for my bad behavior.

When I looked inside I was unhappy and I kept questioning life more and more without finding satisfying answers. Outwardly I was a Christian by common standards, inwardly I was empty.

At age 23 I went off to Kenya, Africa and stayed there for 3 years in a Catholic mission, convinced of being a missionary, as I worked with nuns and priests and almost lived like one of them. Deep inside my void was growing although I did not have much time to think about it. I was busy all the time with the children (200 handicapped children).

When my time in Africa ended I went to England to do my nursing training, as by then I had discovered that nursing seemed the right job for me. So eventually I would return to developing countries with a health profession. I had no idea that I would encounter God in England, and that He would change my plans. Yes, I am still very grateful to God for having led me there as my conversion took place in England.

That came about during my first year of nursing training through a friendship with Susan, an English girl, who simply asked me if I was a Christian. To which I answered affirmatively with no hesitation at all (as would most people in my country). As the time was passing Susan would often ask me questions about my Christian life and I was gradually realizing that my belief in God was made up of many notions, but I did not have the personal knowledge of God as she had.

This sparked my serious search of God. I had many questions that were systematically answered by her or her friends with the support of the Scriptures, which became much more meaningful to me. I realized then that I was not a Christian at all, yet God was so important for me, but He was still out of reach. I kept searching and searching in the Bible. Finally, God answered, as He always does with those who want to know Him with all their heart.

The answer came about one Sunday when I went to the Evangelical Church with my friend, Susan. The message given from the pulpit was about the story of Nicodemus which is found in the New Testament in John 3:16. That message spoke directly to my heart and I understood clearly that my problem was that religion had kept me far from God. God was really impressing upon my heart that I needed a new birth from His Spirit.

Now I knew exactly what my position before God was, but I was scared of this new birth as I did not know the implications of it…eventually I decided that I would trust God with all of my fears and lay them all down before Him. I prayed a simple prayer of repentance for all of my sin, wanting to become a child of His. He did all the rest. I resigned my life into His care knowing that He would take care of me, and He still does every day. It is now 23 years since my start with God. He has been very faithful indeed.

At the time of my new birth I called Jesus Lord, but it was a long time after that, that I realized what it meant to submit entirely to His Lordship. To be His means to give up our right to ourselves and this is still difficult because it is always a battle with our sinful self. But the reward that comes from His love, peace, joy, strength, etc is terrific. I can now say with conviction that religion does not mean anything to me any longer. Only a personal knowledge of God can fill our longing to the fullest and I would never exchange Him for anything else.

I am no longer preoccupied by outward behavior. I know now that Christ saved me by His sacrificial death and my actions, however noble, would never save me. This gives me real freedom.

My priority now is to walk in fellowship with Him because I really love Him. He knows our hearts for He made us and He longs to satisfy us. We should not be afraid to come to Him.